stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
