Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
