OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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