woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
