so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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