you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
