I showed him my bush... on skype.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
