I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize