i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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