Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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