Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
