so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
