ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
