I cannot find my penis.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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