They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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