Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
