YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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