we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
