tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
