Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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