lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
