I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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