We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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