i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
