dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
