so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
