The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
