I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
should my penis look like a turkey
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
