You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
