Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
