I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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