Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
