okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize