I'm really into asian looking animals
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i've created a new STD.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
