PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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