whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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