I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize