Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
NoShamevember. You game?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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