Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I cut my penus on the lid.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
