I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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