Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
