Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
