if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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