I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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