awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
