Can Purell be used as lube?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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