Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
