Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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