he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
