So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
