on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
