i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
