After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
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I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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