He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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