It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool