tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
