the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
