There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
