Already got asked if we're dating
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
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He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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