I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
