I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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