not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The best revenge is premature balding
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
