so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
