Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
