so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
