So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
