JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
