I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
