Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
