Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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