Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
