yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Still dying that you shit outside
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
